waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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