Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
