All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
