if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
