dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
