I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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