I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
