I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
