soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
