Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
