can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
