dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
