Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
