Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
