The best revenge is premature balding
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
