dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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