A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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