Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Congratulations! We have a period
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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