i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
