i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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