Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
