We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
