Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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