Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
