and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
