just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
