dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
