Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My balls are so social today.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
