Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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