He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
