i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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