I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
