please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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