Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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