in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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