My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
