he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
