Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've blown a few things in my day
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
