Dignity is for republicans.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
