woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
