Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
