I think im going to throw up on grandma
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
