Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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