Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
