I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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