Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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