dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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