Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
