yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
