I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
