Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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