Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
