im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
