The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
