you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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